Netflix and Shoot Me

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staying in and hanging out and ordering pizza and chilling. right?

While by no means a self-declared expert, I really thought I was getting the hang of the whole swiping thing. I quickly found a rhythm from the initial hello to the phone number exchange to the acceptance of a date, and I was averaging about a date a week with below-average men. Maybe this transition into dating as a clueless thirty-something wouldn’t be a big deal at all. Why the hell did I start this blog then? 

Oh right, because I literally know nothing about dating in 2018. Case in point, I give you the unaltered G-Chat conversation between myself and my straight, single 35-year-old friend Paul, exchanged on a Friday afternoon at work: 


Paul: Hey, any plans tonight? 

me: happy Friday 

i’m hungover 

can’t wait to Netflix and chill and write blog stuff tonight on my couch while eating Chipotle 

it’s gonna be GREAT

Paul: You know what Netflix and chill means, right?

Me: exactly what is says.

Right?

Paul: I mean its generally used in reference to hooking up

Me: what? no it’s not

it’s just a reference to staying in and hanging out vs going out

or so I thought

whatever

Paul: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=netflix%20and%20chill

Me: so all those people who say that on bumble that i’ve swiped right to just want to hook up?

Paul: hahahaha

or they’re being sarcastic. Wait, dudes say that?

Me: omg all the damn time!

this really changes things for me

Paul: I mean seriously 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Netflix_and_chill

there’s a whole Wikipedia page

How did you miss this?
Me: god dammit 

i’m so old

imagine if I hadn’t just found this out, I wonder how long this would have taken to surface

I guess I should cancel my plans with Brian on Tuesday 


Sigh… another one bites the dust. Once I digested this newfangled information, I started to ponder Paul’s sincere question about what men write on their profiles. I don’t have enough room left in this post or wine left in my glass to dive deeply into that just yet, but the fact that in a few short months I’ve seen at least a dozen guys list “Netflix and chill” as part of their hobbies, casually sandwiched between “the beach” and “going to concerts” really makes one wonder. 

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I was under the assumption that Tinder was the app for those less focused on finding a significant other and more interested in a casual encounter. Bumble boys??? I am very disappointed, to say the least. Beyond the concern that this was becoming merely the hookup app of the moment, I wondered if it spoke to the larger, inevitable truth of “dating” apps… ARE men just on here to hook up? And how do you know? Beyond the clarity of spelling out Netflix & chill aka LET’S FUCK, how do you determine if the guy is just looking for a sexual encounter or is actually trying to seek a real connection?

And then my mind goes down the rabbit hole of typical woman thoughts and I start to wonder what exactly I am trying to get out of this process. I don’t necessarily expect to find my “person” from a tool on my phone that forces me to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to 5 grainy filtered photos and a frat boy quote. I am starting to enjoy this time alone, this independence in a way I’ve never experienced it before, figuring out what I want out of life right now and what I want to spend my time and energy doing. I wouldn’t mind a hook up here and there without a prolonged attachment. In fact, I miss sex more then I miss having a boyfriend. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to list Netflix and chill in my profile. Does that make me the real criminal of deceit?

I guess it’s just a testament to all of this… even without the blatant euphemism our underlying intention is still unknown. Perhaps the Netflix & chill guys are the real heroes. At least they are being honest about their intentions up front. That guy that declares he’s not looking for hookups? That’s perfect sex bait for single women. Some days I would bite. And that’s why I hate this process. There’s so much left to the unknown. I think I will stay in, put on my sweat pants and binge watch Season 2 of Master of None. On what else? Netflix.

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